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So much shit has happened in little over three days that it is't even funny. Like I'm honestly not even surprised I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the street Monday.
To begin explaining it really started bout noonish Sunday. I'm part of a youtube collab called the weekly queers and i post on Fridays. Friday the video didn't upload. Saturday I couldn't post it to FB for my friend to try and by Sunday it was accidentally deleted. Then that night my favorite pair of headphones (brand new btw) broke. I had hoped that was all but there were three perverts watching and harassing me after that.
The first one was like one black that was constantly saying things like 'hey babe come over here!' and 'you wanna go get some?' there was also 'You got a boyfriend> wanna come home with me?' etc. Creeper2 is...i sat down with my food at the laundromat and as I was eating this old guy kept staring and watching and then when i went to move my clothes from the washer and dryer he followed me and kept watching me until i left. Finally creeper number three was driving a van or whatever as i walking my dogs. and he sat through a green light to yell and wolf whistle at me the entire time.
While at the laundromat the dryer was acting up. Normally this is such a stupid thing that I'd laugh about but then look at everything that has happened so far and you can see why it began to get to me. Nothing was going right.
Monday I wake up thinking it'll be better. But my fav hat is missing and i freak out spending an hour searching for it. Finally as I gave up i found it. I was like YES FINALLY THE CURSE IS BROKEN!!!!!!
no.
nope.
Nuh-uh.
My fucking bike was stolen.
So for the passed two weeks I've been sick. First a fever then strep and the baby had a really bad diaper rash called a fungal rash and I felt so bad for her. Then the whole Friday Saturday Sunday things and finally Monday stolen bike i freaked out to say the least. In the middle of the street (i.e. sidewalk) I began to hyperventilate and cry and freak out in general. My first anxiety attack in public.
I called the only 'friend' in town and hung out with him and his gf, another 'friend'. It was cool and all good. That night everything seemed to be looking up. Tuesday was a breath of fresh air as I had no problems and even went to the movies and saw the conjuring (eh, it was alright to me). Wednesday (today) Holy shit was today good. Great the best! PRAISE THE LORD MY CURE WAS BROKEN!!!!!!!!
My brother, Cody, came into town and we hung out. Did a photoshoot type thing and I'll post pictures asap (a.k.a. soon as he gets off his lazy ass and send them to me). My hair dye finally came in and it's now lime green. I've been waiting a month or so to do this to my hair.
Finally Cody left and my downtown 'friend' sent me a text. If the quotes around " 'friend' " don't give away where this is going, i honest think you need some help.
He began bad talking Cody. Implying shit and making me upset. then when he asked what color my hair was i said green and he's like 'of course. figures' blah blah blah, 'it's because his hair is green too' blah blah blah 'if i was Cody blah blah blah' etc. So no i feel like shit because i apparently 'ignored' him. I's so stupid for dying my hair green. i feel like shit again and was on the verge of a second anxiety attack.
So i was like 'fuck this' (i honestly threw my phone and left the apartment.) and went to yarn night. Had a great time crocheting, i love it, and when i get home after a nice two hours i find like ten degrading messages on my phone about how im a bad friend and how i made him feel like shit. Honestly with this kid he makes me want to jump off of a bridge.
I'm not going to but at times it's hard because of this. I wanna be happy so i try to do things that make me happy. that make me not sad. But if i do those things i piss someone else off and when i say i don't care i was happy so i'm fine with it i'm a bad friend because i don't care about them. because i want to have one day where i don't think about slitting my own throat, cutting my wrists (i font but i think about it often) and so on.
I'm not allowed to be selfish and i just wish i could be.
Like why don't I ever matter?
Night.
P.S. this is why i said night early. I'm going to bed now but i needed to get all of this out first. You know who you are that i'm talking to.
Too Long
It's been way too long since I've been on. So much family and friend drama went on that for a while everything was sketchy. All motivation to write or draw or do much of anything besides laying and not doing anything but breathing had been too much work.
My motivation for living has been coming back slowly and I've got way too many off days to be good, but it's progress. I guess my motivation started to return when my friend came up to visit a few months ago. and at that time i decided to make an effort and get something to write on. So Sideswipe and Sunstreaker came into being. The name for my Bluetooth keyboard and iPad mini in that order.
Okay, I'm Looking ForA Beta
I need a Beta reader. I'm working on an Avengers/Captain America romance/action fic and NEED someone to proof read it.
If any of you are willing to please send me a message.
The summary is this Pepper needed a vacation, so Tony gave it to her. (there is no Peperony) She has a child with her husband so he got her a babysitter too. The babysitter is not entirely human (Marvel crossover universe x-men mutants) She and the captain meet due to Tony's meddling and from there, well one could call it history.
That's all i got.
One Day Left of Prem Mem
So I have only One Day of Premium Membership left. But I'm going to renew it :)
Also I just wanted the purple dragon up here lol
I Hate People
So you know the shit that had happeed with my 'friends'? http://verbophobic.deviantart.com/journal/Can-I-Please-Mean-Something-361879849 Well they've screwed me over again.
All week I've been freaking out due to money and the cost of going to the movies. I had planned for next week due to this week being my birthday on monday and payday is next week too. But they put up a bitch fit about it.
Well guess what. THEY WANT TO FUCKING RESCHEDULE FOR NEXT WEEK! I hate this. I said yeah, sure. But the day before I'm going to cancel on them. Let them get screwed over.
Now I'm taking my father. Yeah. It's not worth this. I quite. no more friends. I
© 2013 - 2024 Verbophobic
Comments4
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Jeeze... Yeah, I don't blame you for having a panic attack. You're a better friend than I am. I wouldn't want to jump off a bridge; I'd want to shove HIM off the bridge. If it makes you feel better, I saw the picture of your hair being green and I think it's AWESOME. I wish I had the balls to do something like that, but the most I do is give my hair blond highlights.